Episode 5: The Junk Mail

Episode #161; 9:5


Our Summary

George's parents ignore him, so George tries to get them to care about him more by dating his cousin. Jerry's summertime childhood friend gets him a van, which Jerry doesn't like, so he ends up going into the woods and digging a hole. Kramer is sick of getting junk mail so he tries various ways of stopping it, until he is brought to the Postmaster General where he stops his crusade against mail. Finally, Elaine dumps Puddy for a guy she thinks is amazing, but he's really "The Wiz".



Our Commentary

This nice little episode barely makes the Top 50. Even though it's only in the Top 50, and barely at that, there are some funny scenes, which I will do Top Five style, even though it's only Top 50, b/c they are funny scenes. Confused? So am I. Anyway, there are only a few things that keep it in the Top 50. First of all, we have Newman and Kramer with their crazy antics about Kramer cancelling his mail:

NEWMAN: "I'll handle this, Violet. Why don't you take your three hour break? Oh, calm down, everyone. No one's cancelling any mail."
KRAMER: "Oh, yes, I am."
NEWMAN: "What about your bills?"
KRAMER: "The bank can pay 'em."
NEWMAN: "The bank. What about your cards and letters?"
KRAMER: "E-mail, telephones, fax machines. Fedex, telex, telegrams, holograms." (HOLOGRAMS! Hilarious! and Newman dying and sweating, hilarious)
NEWMAN: "All right, it's true! Of course nobody needs mail. What do you think, you're so clever for figuring that out? But you don't know the half of what goes on here. So just walk away, Kramer. I beg of you."
SUPERVISOR: "Is everything all right here, Postal Employee Newman?"
NEWMAN: "Yes, sir, I believe everything is all squared away. Isn't it, Mr. Kramer?"
KRAMER: "Oh, yeah. As long as I stop getting mail!"

We have some great Kramer scenes with:

KRAMER: (entering Jerry's apartment) "Will you look at this? More catalogs! 'Omaha Steaks', 'Mac Warehouse', 'Newsweek'?! I can't stop all these companies, so, I'm gonna attack this problem at the choke point."
JERRY: "Stop the mail?"
KRAMER: "That's... even better!" (Hilarious!)

Then, Frank, with his "move woman", Kramer's "a big, juicy van.", and Kramer's "Oh, that's it. They have gone too far. They keep pushing me, and pushing me. Now I got no choice but to go down there... and talk to them.", Jerry baiting Elaine about Jack, and then the scene with Kramer trying to buy Jerry's van:

KRAMER: (inspecting Jerry's van) "So, how come you're selling it?"
JERRY: "You know why I'm selling it. I hate it."
KRAMER: "How many miles?"
JERRY: "Two."
KRAMER: "City or highway?"
JERRY: "Look, do you really want to buy this thing, or what?"
KRAMER: "Hey, hey. Take it easy. I'm not gonna be pressured. I'll walk away right now. Is this thing bent? (breaks the antenna) I'm not paying for that."
JERRY: "All right, just get out of here."
KRAMER: "All right, look. I'm going to be honest. I'm very interested in the van."
JERRY: "OK, fine. 'What do I have to do to put you in this van today?'"
KRAMER: (pointing to the newspaper ad) "Well, I don't really have any money. But it says right here, 'interesting trades considered'."
JERRY: "You put that in!"
Kramer: (pulling out an undershirt) "And I'm glad I did. Here."
JERRY: "You want to trade me an undershirt?"
KRAMER: "No, I want to trade you screen legend Anthony Quinn's undershirt. He took this off to do sit-ups in the park and I nabbed it."
JERRY: "That's disgusting."
KRAMER: "Well, it's my final offer."

Finally, a great Kramer scene with:

POSTMASTER GENERAL: "Oh, my goodness. What have they done to you here?"
KRAMER: "Huh? Who are you?"
POSTMASTER GENERAL: "Well, you can just call me Henry."
KRAMER: "Henry Atkins? The postmaster general?"
POSTMASTER GENERAL: "Last time I checked."
KRAMER: "Henry... can I get out of here now?"
POSTMASTER GENERAL: "Oh, oh. Sit a bit. Sit a bit. I mean, after all, I drove all the way up here from D.C. just to talk to you."
KRAMER: "Oh?"
POSTMASTER GENERAL: "I even had to cancel a round of golf with the secretary of state. (without pausing, going to the next sentence) Do you like golf, Mr. Kramer?"
KRAMER: "Yeah."
POSTMASTER GENERAL: "Kramer, I've been, uh, reading some of your material here. I gotta be honest with you: you make a pretty strong case. I mean, just imagine. An army of men in wool pants running through the neighborhood handing out pottery catalogs, door to door."
KRAMER: "Yeah! Ha ha."
POSTMASTER GENERAL: "Well, it's my job. And I'm pretty damn serious about it. In addition to being a postmaster, I'm a general. And we both know, it's the job of a general to, by God, get things done. So maybe you can understand why I get a little irritated when someone calls me away from my golf."
KRAMER: "I'm very, very sorry."
POSTMASTER GENERAL: "Sure, you're sorry. I think we got a stack of mail out at the desk that belongs to you. Now, you want that mail, don't you Mr. Kramer?"
KRAMER: "Sure do!"
POSTMASTER GENERAL: (receiving a salute from Kramer) "Now, that's better."
KRAMER: (seeing Newman walk into the office with a bucket on his head, escorted by a security man) "Geez. Newman?"
NEWMAN: (whimpering) "Tell the world my story."
After review, it seems that is should be in the Top 50. Great episode. Adam - From The Wiz to Puddy, to Hoochie Mama, to Jerry's van, Son of Sam, Son of Sam, I knew Berkowitz didn't do it, to Edgar digging that hole as only he could, to the beeping when Jerry backs up, and finally, to screen legend Anthony Quinn's undershirt being nabbed by Kramer, this episode comes to a crashing halt and still claims to be in the Top 50. That alone means a lot to me.


EPISODE GUIDE from Jerry Seinfeld: The Entire Domain by Kathleen Tracy

161."The Junk Mail" (October 30, 1997)

SUMMARY Jerry gets paid with a van instead of cash for a gig. George's parents rekindle their romance at his expense. Kramer plans his revenge on a company that has sent him an overabundance of catalogs in the past month. Elaine, back with Puddy, meets the man of her dreams.

DIRECTOR Andy Ackerman

TELEPLAY Spike Feresten

GUEST CAST Laurie Taylor-Williams (Rhisa); Toby Huss (Jack); Dana Gould (Frankie); Richard Kuhlman (Man); Montrose Hagins (Old Woman--Betty); Peggy Blow (Mail Clerk); Clement E. Blake (Dirt Person #1); D. A. Johnson (Dirt Person #2); Wilford Bramley (Postmaster General Henry Atkins)

RECURRING CAST Estelle Harris (Estelle Costanza); Wayne Knight (Newman); Jerry Stiller (Frank Costanza); Patrick Warburton (David Puddy)


Stats


2nd Siyum

Dates/Boyfriends/Girlfriends
GEORGE
Rhisa Costanza

ELAINE
Puddy (8th Time)
Jack
Guys Elaine Broke Up With
Puddy (8th Time) - Wants Jack

Contact List
Pottery Barn - 416
The Wiz - Carmen’s Road in Massapequa; 39-11 Main Street, Flushing; 89-22 Queens Blvd, Rego Park; 49 West 45th Street, NY

Cars
Jerry - Big Juicy White Van, with 2 miles of unknown variety, but probably city miles

3rd Siyum


Tours

Pottery Barn

Full Script