Our Summary

Our Commentary

Now, when I write these Top 5 eps, I try not to include the actual lines from the script unless it is actually so funny that a summary just simply won't do. In this episode, there are a ton of actual lines from the script, as there are in all of these Top 5 episodes, which is why the pages are so long and so funny. We start off the episode with quintessential Frank and Estelle banter as George drives them home:

FRANK: I got no leg room back here. Move your seat forward.
ESTELLE: That's as far as it goes.
FRANK: There's a mechanism. You just pull it, and throw your body weight.
ESTELLE: I pulled it. It doesn't go.
FRANK: If you want the leg room, say you want the leg room! Don't blame the mechanism!
GEORGE: All right, Dad, we're five blocks from the house. Sit sideways.
FRANK: Like an animal. Because of her, I have to sit here like an animal! Serenity now! Serenity now!
GEORGE: What is that?
FRANK: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, 'Serenity now!'
GEORGE: Are you supposed to yell it?
FRANK: The man on the tape wasn't specific.
GEORGE: What happened to the screen door? It blew off again?
ESTELLE: I told you to fix that thing.
FRANK: Serenity nowww!

Cut to Jerry and Aunt Becky, Rebecca Romaine Lettuce Stamos before she got un Stamosed, but after she got Stamosed, who suggests La Caridad, which had an unknown spelling to us before Mike Warshaw showed us the way. We had tried La Queridad, since it's Spanish, as in "querer", "to want", but alas, it was Caridad, who knows why. ANYWAY!, back to the ep. So, Becky throws away Knicks home opener tickets for a stupid Chinese Spanish whatever it is, as Jerry says, and then a nice:

PATTY: You know... I've never seen you mad.
JERRY: I get peeved.
PATTY: Mad.
JERRY: Miffed.
PATTY: *Mad*.
JERRY: Irked?

Cut to Jerry's place with a great scene with a bunch of great lines:

GEORGE: She probably gets that impression because you're cool. You're under control. Like me. Nothing wrong with that. (HILARIOUS! Perfect George of grouping Jerry with himself, similar to his other great line of "We look great" in the following episode, 9:4 The Blood, and also so obviously untrue, in that George is so not cool and under control.)
JERRY: But I get upset, I've yelled. You've heard me yell.
GEORGE: Not really. Your voice kind of raises to this comedic pitch.
(Kramer enters)
KRAMER: Hey.
JERRY: Kramer, I am so sick of you comin' in here and eatin' all my food. Now shut that door and get the hell out of here! (Hilarious)
KRAMER: (Laughing) What is that, a new bit? (B/c it's impossible for Jerry to be angry with Kramer about taking his food! Hilarious)
GEORGE: I told ya. Hey, any of you guys want to come out and help me fix my father's screen door in Queens?
JERRY: Sorry, I'm fixing a screen door in the Bronx. (This would normally be just funny, but since it's not in our cut up episode, it's HILARIOUS! and actually reminds me more of Jared Jerome, than Jerry)
KRAMER: I'll do it.
GEORGE: Really? You wanna come?
KRAMER: Yeah, I love going to the country. (Funny)
ELAINE: Where are they goin'?
JERRY: Fix a screen door in Queens.
ELAINE: (Laughing) That's funny. (Still don't understand why Elaine thinks that that's funny) Hey, listen, what are you doin' Saturday night?
JERRY: Not goin' to the Knick game.
ELAINE: I need someone to go with me to Mr. Lippman's son's Bar Mitzvah.
JERRY: You know, if you don't bring a guest they save a catering. You should be able to buy a cheaper gift.
ELAINE: (Taking out Boggle) Oh, I don't think that's possible. (Nice)

KRAMER: (Holding camera) Get in a little closer. I can't see the screen door. (Takes picture) Perfect. (Once again, this would normally be hilarious, but again it's not in our episode, so it's super hilarious!)

Kramer then takes the screen door to use at his own place which is hilarious just by itself, and then Frank explains to George that he is selling computers b/c he saw The Net, starring Sandra Bullock, or in his own words: "with that girl from the bus." His explanation continues as to why he is selling computers is that: "I did a little reading, and I realize, it wasn't that farfetched." I have no idea what the hell The Net has to do with selling computers, but that's Frank for ya. He also thinks that he can compete with Microsoft (even though Microsoft doesn't sell computers) and IBM b/c he has George as his son, who has failed in everything that life has offered him and has no sales experience nor computer experience.

Skip to Monk's with a hilarious scene of Jerry trying to get angry and then succeeding in doing so:

JERRY: Damn it, they gave me cream! I asked for nonfat milk!
PATTY: I think they have 1% over there.
JERRY: 1%?! They can kiss 1% of my ass! (Hilarious)
PATTY: OK, Jerry, enough. I'm not buying it.
JERRY: You're damn right you're not buying it! (Hilarious)
PATTY: You shouldn't have to try. It's just being open.
JERRY: I'm open. There's just nothing in there.
PATTY: (Sarcastically) Uh huh.
JERRY: Oh, you think I'm lying about this?
PATTY: I think you are.
JERRY: Well, I'm not.
PATTY: Yes, you are, liar.
JERRY: Oh, stop it.
PATTY: OK, liar.
JERRY: That's enough!
PATTY: Ooh, that was good.
JERRY: Really? It felt good.

Skip to Lippman at his son's bar mitzvah where the son, who brought us such memorable characters as the son from Bye Bye Love and Sleepless in Seattle, french kisses Elaine and gives his infamous line of "I'm a man!". We then need to quote another line that didn't make it into our episode, when Jerry answers George about how he's already french kissing at 13: "Well this kid's not just a man. He's a man's man." Then we have dialogue by Jerry on the phone: "Hello? Yeah, this is Jerry Seinfeld. No, no, no, I do not want to stop over in Cincinnati. Well, then you upgrade me. That's right, you should thank me." (HILARIOUS!) "Goodbye." (Hangs up) "Hey, I'm flyin' first class." and George with his "All right, relax, tough guy." Cut to the hallway where George meets Kramer who continues his tradition of calling George's dad "Frank" instead of "your dad" once in his life!

GEORGE: Kramer.
KRAMER: Yeah.
GEORGE: What-what are you doing?
KRAMER: Oh, I'm putting up Frank's screen door. (See, told you so) This beauty's got a little life in her yet.
JERRY: What do you need it for?
KRAMER: (Closing door) The cool evening breezes of Anytown, USA. Let's see how this baby closes. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. (Basically one of the funniest lines in all of Seinfeld lore)

We then cut to the Costanza garage where George finds out that he's competing with Lloyd Braun, who gives us a line cherished by Adam Somer: "Chalk me up on the big board."

Cut to the bar mitzvah boy frencher who refuses to apologize, and ends up renouncing Judaism, Elaine gives a sup-er e-nun-ciate-d Mitch-ell Tan-en-baum, or maybe she just says it in a strange way so I think she super enunciates it. Then, another funny and great line which I must dissect, having again, not been in our episode:

ELAINE: No. You are not a man. It takes a *long* time to become a man. I mean, half my friends aren't even there yet.

Now, first of all, funny line. Second, "half of her friends", let's dissect, shall we? Well, she only has 3 male friends, George, Kramer, and Jerry according to my count, but then we really couldn't say half of her friends, unless we counted another unknown male friend. OR, we can follow last episode, as Seinfeld tends to continue and reference other episodes, particularly the one right before it, which says that Elaine has 2 friends, George and Jerry. This would make more sense and flow with everything Seinfeld-wise. However, we are now left with one simple question. Who is the man? Jerry or George? This argument could go on forever as both of them display certain childish qualities and attributes. My opinion would be that George is the man, as Jerry is simply too childish, and I can consider him to be the more childish of the 2, but it's a close call.

Cut to the garage again, where George is given his options: Win a waterpick that Estelle doesn't want to give away or get fired. So, Frank knows exactly where George's pressure points are with and so George gives his super oft quoted and much cherised: "You wanna sell computers? I will show *youuuuu* how to sell computers! Hello, Mr. Farneman. You wanna buy a computer? No? Why not? All right, I see! Good answer! Thank you!
(Lloyd rings his sale bell) (With his super huge smile)
Serenity now!

Lippman lunges at Elaine and then later on also renounces Judaism. But first, we get a hilarious scene of old school Americana, Hutchinson Family Singers, Long Island Fair, Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, DC, July 4th, The Sandlot, the midwest, and a country feel, all rolled up into one:

PATTY: (Surveying Kramer's hall patio ) What is this?
JERRY: (Knocking on Kramer's door) Anytown, U.S.A. Hello? Is Kramer home? Oh, hey. (Hilarious with the knocing and trying to look in on the screen door, which is so suburbia.)
KRAMER: (Spraying his flowers) Hello, neighbor.
JERRY: Boy, those azaleas are really coming in nicely.
KRAMER: Oh, you gotta mulch. You've got to.
JERRY: You barbecuing tonight?
KRAMER: (Ringing his wind chimes) Right after the fireworks.

Jerry and Aunty Becky brake up over La Caridad, where Elaine doesn't care at all that they broke up, and then mentions it again funnily enough. Jerry has now become a much more emotional person and he can cry, suprisingly.

ELAINE: Whoa. What is the matter?
JERRY: It's Patty.
ELAINE: Jerry, you break up with a girl every week.
JERRY: (Crying) What--what is this salty discharge?
ELAINE: Oh my God. You're crying.
JERRY: This is horrible! I care!

We continue in the hallway with some more hilariousness:

JERRY: Patty won't call me back. I don't know if I can live without her.
KRAMER: She's really gotten to you, hasn't she?
JERRY: I don't know what's happening to me.
KRAMER: Simple. You let out one emotion, all the rest will come with it. It's like Endora's box. (I think it's Andora, but I could be wrong, but nevertheless, hilarious)
JERRY: That was the mother on Bewitched. You mean Pandora.
KRAMER: Yeah, well, she... had one, too. (Classic Kramer, just hilarious all over)
(George enters) (The script we have here, transcribed by Ethan Brown, fails to mention that George first looks around at Kramer's nuttiness and Jerry's sadness and needs to be in normal reality before making his computer salespitch)
GEORGE: Jerry, can I talk to you for a second? (They enter Jerry's apartment)
KRAMER: (Baseball flies at Kramer and hits him) That's it, that's it! I warned you kids. I told you not to play in front of my house. (Brilliant, b/c Jerry and Kramer call their apartments their houses throughout Seinfeld, and now, when the whole joke of Kramer and the screen door is that he is living in a house in suburbia, Anytown, USA, is that they need to call it his house, just brilliant)
This time, I'm keepin' it. (Once again, Ethan didn't write that they then threw a rock)
And you're not getting back your rock either!

We need a quick break in order to catch our breath b/c a whole new dose of ultrahilariousness is heading our way:

GEORGE: (hearing Jerry broke up with Patty) Are you still down in the dumps? Come on. It's just a chick.
JERRY: You ever heard of a little thing called feelings?
GEORGE: Well, I got just the thing to cheer you up. A computer! Huh? We can check porn, and stock quotes. (HILARIOUS!))
JERRY: Porn quotes... I'm so lucky to have a friend like you, George. Ever tell you how much I love you?
GEORGE: What?
JERRY: I love you, George. Come here.
GEORGE: I-I'm already here. I'm here. I'm here. Uh, you know what? (Super anti-gay man)
If you want a computer, call me. I-I gotta go.
JERRY: Go wherever you want. I'm still gonna love you.

BUT WAIT, THERE'SHHHHH MORE!!! I MUST WARN YOU THAT THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SCENE IN ANYTHING OF ANYTHING THAT HAS EVER EXISTED AND WILL EVER EXIST. PERIOD. THIS SINGLE SCENE ALLOWS ENTRY INTO THE TOP 5. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE SHE IS:

KRAMER: Look what they did. Look what they did to my house! I turn my back for two seconds, and they put shaving cream all over my door. You, I see you! I'll teach these kids a lesson. Where's that hose I put under your sink? (I'm on the floor laughing already)
JERRY: Hose under my sink. I love *you*, Kramer! (Convulsions are beginning)
KRAMER: I love you, too, buddy, and George--
GEORGE: I don't want to hear it, Kramer! (Foaming at the mouth has initiated)
KRAMER: Listen, when I give you the signal, I want you to turn this water on full blast.
GEORGE: What signal? What-what signal?
KRAMER: I'll yell, uh, 'Hoochie mama!'
GEORGE: If I do it, will you buy a computer?
KRAMER: On the signal, George. On the signal. (Totally ignoring George, b/c he doesn't have money to buy a computer, nor would he buy one, but must have total concentration on this moment in order to teach those kids a lesson)
GEORGE: Only if you buy. I gotta make a sale.
JERRY: I love you, Costanza.
GEORGE: Will you shut up?!
KRAMER: Now! Now, George! Turn on the faucet! George, turn on the faucet! Hoochie mama! Hoochie mama! Hoochie mamamaaaaa! (With Jerry smiling maniacally, coming closer and closer to George, in order to give him a hug, and George ends up leaving Kramer out to dry, or wet, depending on your perspective. BUT, whatever way you look at it, it's the most hilarious scene ever)

We now cut to the taxicab where George explains shiksappeal to Elaine, with another great add in line that is not in our episode:

GEORGE: Well, sure. They're Jewish, and you're a shiksa.
ELAINE: What?
GEORGE: It means a non-Jewish woman.
ELAINE: I know what it means, but what does being a shiksa have to do with it?

Then the super slutty Elaine has to think about buying a computer from George b/c there's porn, and then another add in line of George saying "Damn it!", which I find hilarious for some reason. Cut to Lippman's place, where he, like his son renounces Judaism, negating Elaine's insistence that he only likes her b/c she's a shiksa. We then cut to Jerry's place and another great scene.

JERRY: What happened to you, pal? (PAL?!?! Hilarious)
KRAMER: Joey Zanfino and some of the neighborhood kids. They ambushed me with a box of 'Grade A's. (OK. First of all, classic Kramer by calling them "a box of Grade A's and not "eggs"! Just hilarious. Then we have "some of the neighborhood kids, which is hilarious b/c they're in an apartment building, but flows with the whole Anytown, USA theme. Finally, we have Joey Zanfino, his name popping in out of nowhere, leading the bunch of crazy kids. Basically, it's hilarious.)
JERRY: Are you all right?
KRAMER: Oh, no. I'm fine. Serenity now. Serenity now. Serenity now. (HILARIOUS!!!)
JERRY: So, you're using Frank's relaxation method?
KRAMER: (Trying to open a back of chips) Jerry, the anger, it just melts right off. Serenity now. Look at this. Serenity now! (For some reason there is no "POP" sound in the script here, but there was, and it's hilarious.)
ELAINE: (Entering Jerry's apartment) Hey, what happened to you?
KRAMER: Serenity! (He exits) (Nice)

Elaine does some funny stuff, ignoring Jerry, getting a fruit, Jerry proposes, George interrupts with his scheme to beat Lloyd Braun by buying all of the computers himself, and then returning them after the contest is over. Elaine gives her classic escape move of pretending to hear someone calling her, when no one is calling her. We then cut to the contest's completion in the garage.

FRANK: Hey, Braun, Costanza's kicking your butt!
GEORGE: (using the phone) Watch how it's done. Oh, hello, Mr. Vandelay? Would you like to buy a computer? Oh, really? Two dozen? (HILARIOUS! Uses Vandelay, sells 2 dozen in a second, and loves it that he's kicking Braun's butt.)
FRANK: Costanza, you're white hot!
PHONE: If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and-- (HILARIOUS!)
FRANK: Hey, Braun, I got good news and bad news. And they're both the same: you're fired. Costanza, you've won the water pick! (HILARIOUS!)
ESTELLE: You're not gonna give away that water pik!
FRANK: You wanna bet? Serenity now, serenity now!
LLOYD: You know, you should tell your dad that 'serenity now' thing doesn't work. It just bottles up the anger, and eventually, you blow.
GEORGE: What do you know? You were in the nut house.
LLOYD: What do you think put me there?
GEORGE: I heard they found a family in your freezer. (HILARIOUS!)
LLOYD: Serenity now. Insanity later. (And we don't hear or see from Lloyd ever again. And he ends his career here with this great line.)

We cut to Jerry's hallway with another great scene:

JERRY: (Entering the hallway to his apartment) What happened here, Kramer?
KRAMER: Serenity now, serenity now... (Hilarious with his quasi-nervous breakdown)
JERRY: Kramer!
KRAMER: Geez! Jerry, I didn't hear you come in. Yeah, the children, they've done some redecorating. Serenity now, serenity now. (HILARIOUS! "I didn't hear you come in!?!?" It's a hallway! HILARIOUS!!! Children have done redecorating!!! HILARIOUS!!!)
JERRY: You don't look well.
KRAMER: Well, that's odd, 'cause I feel perfectly at peace with the world- uh! eggs! you! Serenity now, serenity now, serenity now.
JERRY: Oh, I'm sorry. Look at me, I stepped on your last rose.
KRAMER: (going into his apartment) Jerry, come on. Don't get upset about it. There's always next spring. Now will you excuse me for a moment. Serenity nooooooooww! ("There's always next spring!!!")
GEORGE: Jerry! I did it! Haha! I beat Braun!
KRAMER: (crashing and banging in his apartment) Serenity now!
GEORGE: Come on, wanna give me a hand with the computers?
KRAMER: (Crashing and banging around) Serenity nooooowwwww!

GEORGE: Why couldn't you squeeze one of those stupid rubber balls to get your stress out? Why did you have to destroy *twenty-five* computers?
KRAMER: (Leaving) George, you listen to me. I owe ya one. (HILARIOUS. Now, let's think this through. Let's say at a minimum, back in 1998, the cheapest computer you could buy was around a thousand dollars, so this was $25,000! HILARIOUS!)
JERRY: He's incorrigible. You want to talk about it?
GEORGE: Oh, please don't tell me you love me again, Jerry, I can't handle it. JERRY: George, letting my emotions out was the best thing I've ever done. Sure I'm not funny anymore, but there's more to life than making shallow, fairly-obvious observations. How about you? (Which explains the whole basis of the show and why it is funny)
GEORGE: All right... here goes... (And Jerry resting his head on his arm, in a hilarious way)

Cut to Rabbi Glickman/Kirschbaum with his hilarious super Reform way of speaking:

ELAINE: Rabbi, is there anything I can do to combat this Shiks-appeal?
RABBI: Ha! Elaine, shiks-appeal is a myth, like the Yeti, or his North American cousin, the Sasquatch. (This super quoted line in the Somer household is hilarious, with "the Yeti" pronounced as "the Ye-tee")
ELAINE: Well, something's goin' on here, 'cause every able-bodied Israelite in the county is driving pretty strong to the hoop. (Hilarious)
RABBI: Elaine, there's much you don't understand about the Jewish religion. For example, did you know that rabbis are allowed to date?
ELAINE: (About to leave) Well, what does that have to do...?
RABBI: You know, a member of my congregation has a timeshare in Myrtle Beach. Perhaps, if you're not too busy, we could wing on down after the High Holidays? Elaine? 'Lainie? (First of all, his pronounciation of Myrtle Beach is super quoted. Next, I was going to go to Myrtle Beach for a kosher restaurant when I was driving down to Florida with Bruchie. Then he's gonna go down with her after the High Holidays. Hilarious. Finally, calling her "Lainie", as only Jerry does. HILARIOUS!)

Cut to Jerry's place where George scares Jerry straight with the classic line "Yikes. Well, good look with all that." Jerry tells Elaine they ain't gettin' married. We then cut back to the garage, where we are told that George "single-handedly brought Costanza and Son to the brink of bankruptcy." Which means that somehow they actually made a profit of more than $25,000. Interesting stuff, considering that all of "the Lloyd Braun sales [were fake because] his phone wasn't even hooked up. He just liked ringing that bell." Estelle walks in, possibly wearing a Jewish star or Magen David, or Star of David, meaning that she is Jewish, OR just wearing a necklace, meaning nothing, and adding nothing to the debate over her religion. We end the episode with a double "Hoochie mama!" Stimply hilarious episode, well deserved to be in the Top 5 episodes of all time.

Adam - JUST A WARNING: THIS IS BEING WRITTEN A FEW MONTHS AFTER WATCHING THIS EPISODE. Lloyd Braun. Need I say more? I need. Frank Costanza, tragic clown. He made, uhh, he made this episode for me. With his Serenity Nows and his Hoochie Mamas, he was brilliant. Kramer with Joey Zanfino and the neighborhood kids made me cry. The whole part with the hose under the sink made me cry. The double goodbye, Aunt Becky, and Nikki and Alex, made me cry. And the fact that after all of this crying, I could still laugh at Lloyd Braun's chalk me up on the big board, made me cry. That is all.

EPISODE GUIDE from Jerry Seinfeld: The Entire Domain by Kathleen Tracy

159."The Serenity Now" (October 9, 1997)

SUMMARY Jerry suddenly starts feeling a range of emotions. George goes to work for his father selling computers. Elaine seeks help from a rabbi to see if she can reduce her "shiksappeal" with the Lippman men, who want to denounce their religion. The release of emotions from George has an impact on emotional Jerry.

DIRECTOR Andy Ackerman

TELEPLAY Steve Koren

GUEST CAST Lori Loughlin (Patty); Ross Malinger (Adam); Matt McCoy (Lloyd Braun}; Bruce Mahler (Rabbi Glickman)

RECURRING CAST Richard Fancy (Lippman); Estelle Harris (Estelle Costanza); Jerry Stiller (Frank Costanza)

Stats

2nd Siyum

3rd Siyum

Tours

Full Script